Friends, Americans, countrymen, lend me your ears! I have come to praise Elon Musk, not to bury him.
No one is more attuned to the main chance than Elon Musk. With the literal demise of Lolita procurer Jeffrey Epstein, there’s a huge void to fill, and Elon is up to the task!
With the revelation that Grok, Musk’s wonky chatbot, was allowing users to take any photo they liked and strip off clothes off any woman — or girl, any decent human being would have been alarmed and embarrassed and immediately sent a team to fix that bug.
But not our Elon! Oh, no! Elon saw that he could fill that Epstein niche! So instead, Elon turned sexualizing any woman on the Internet into a paid option! PornHub must be stricken by the competition!
Now, MP Dame Caroline Dineage, chair of Parliament’s Media Select Committee in the United Kingdom, stated that Twitter was “turning criminals and perverts into paying customers.” But isn’t that short-sighted? Think about how many middle-school boys will be mowing lawns to afford the opportunity to humiliate their female classmates! They’re not quite criminals and perverts yet (although they will be after they’re paying Elon.) A blow for free enterprise and capitalism!
You’ve got to admire that combination of shamelessness and avarice. I mean, here’s the richest man in the world — one who claimed he was going to completely wipe all the “grooming” off of Twitter — dialing the hypocrisy up to eleven! Especially after he decimated the team whose job was to deal with child sexual abuse on Twitter. Well done, sir!
And we have to hand it to Elon: He’s nothing if not consistent — on his perception of women as inferior. Last year eight of his SpaceX employees sued Elon for personally sexual harassing them (allegedly) and then firing anyone who complained. In early 2025 Elon Musk amplified a doctored photo of Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez depicting her in a see-through blouse after she criticized him. Yes, the guy who’s always calling Democrats and trans persons “groomers” and “perverts”; maybe he imagines they’re out-viling him and he’s jealous?
But Elon’s ingenuity isn’t limited to sexualizing and harassing women after portraying himself as some sort of Internet savior. He also manages to demonize immigrants despite being one himself. And probably a criminal alien. Elon emigrated from his native South Africa to Canada in 1989 to live with his Canadian-born mother, who had divorced her adulterous husband. In 1995, Elon came to the United States on a student visa in order to study at Stanford University. Under a student visa, you study in the United States (ergo the name), and you aren’t allowed to work. But did that stop Elon? Hell to the no! He never enrolled in school and overstayed his visa.
In an exposé in The Washington Post, it was pointed out that
leaving school left Musk without a legal basis to remain in the United States, according to legal experts.
Foreign students cannot drop out of school to build a company, even if they are not immediately getting paid, said Leon Fresco, a former Justice Department immigration litigator.
“If you do anything that helps to facilitate revenue creation, such as design code or try to make sales in furtherance of revenue creation, then you’re in trouble,” Fresco said.
Wow, I guess today’s Trump would surely have deported 1990s Elon!
Instead of educating himself, Elon built the company Zip2 while he was not allowed to work in the United States. The man who spends all his time decrying so-called “open borders” allegedly flouted laws and likely stole a job away from an American!
Now, anybody with a brain and a modicum of shame would not be constantly fueling anti-immigrant feelings about “criminal illegal aliens” who abuse our laws to cash in. Especially when in 2005 you acknowledged in an email to Tesla co-founders Martin Eberhard and JB Straubel— the email document was entered in a lawsuit — that he wasn’t here legally when he founded Zip2. But not our Elon! He’s not one to do things by halves, as Bloomberg reported in October 2024:
In 2024, immigration and voter fraud has become Musk’s most frequently posted and engaged with policy topic, garnering about 10 billion views. Musk posted more than 1,300 times about the topic overall, with more than 330 posts in the past 2 months alone.
My, my, my! To think that someone who overstayed his visa, and who, jointly with Tesla, had to pay a $40 million fine for securities fraud, is decrying illegal immigrants and fraud. That’s quite the case of throwing stones while living in a glass house. But our Elon is nothing if not totally unself-aware and shameless.
On second thought, maybe I do want to bury Elon — in a pile of lawsuits and indictments. Hopefully, those would do something to curb his vile behavior.
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