Lindsey Tichenor, Josh Calloway, Shane Baker, and other Christian Nationalist Kentucky Republicans are celebrating the return of the 10 Commandments to the Capitol grounds. Granite virtue signaling is always the best virtue signaling.
In honor of this momentous occasion, I bring you the Republican Ten Commandments, as told to me in a vision I had from too little sleep and too much Diet Dr. Pepper.
- I am the lord thy God and thou shalt have no other gods before me – unless they are narcissist sociopaths with a string of failed businesses who like to cover themselves in orange paint and wear red baseball caps.
- Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image – unless it’s of the orange paint-wearing narcissist and can be turned into a trinket that can be sold on Newsmax or at flea markets.
- Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain – unless it’s to express anger at an immigrant or Democrat.
- Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy – by calling ICE on your neighbor, laughing at a homeless person, or playing a round of golf.
- Honor thy mother and father – and your stepmother and stepfather, and the woman they hired to raise you, and the family who adopted you and pushed you into the spotlight then shipped you off to a foreign country when you were no longer young and cute for political photo-ops.
- Thou shalt not kill – unless executing a phony no-knock warrant, shooting down a boat you’re pretending had drugs on it, or standing your ground against a person darker than a sheet of two-day-old newsprint.
- Thou shalt not commit adultery – unless your wife has become a bit of a pig or you’ve met an immigrant “female friend” on Epstein’s Island.
- Thou shalt not steal – refer to it instead as creative accounting or collecting money for charity.
- Thou shalt not bear false witness – unless it suits your needs, supports your bill, or helps you get reelected.
- Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s wife – instead, try and make that wife yours, and if she won’t come around, ignore those restraining orders and call yourself an incel. As to coveting their property, instead have them evicted and take what you want.
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Written by Rob Mattheu. Cross-posted from Blunder Over Louisville.
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