Every American down in America liked Christmas a lot.
But the Trump, who lived south of sanity, most certainly did not.
Trump hated Christmas — not the money of course,
but the laughing, the shopping, it made him feel worse.
So deep in his tower, carved out of gold,
he plotted a scheme – one cruel, dark, and cold.
He’d tried once before to ruin their cheer,
with Big Lies about elections the previous years.
But this time he thought, with a smirk and a grin,
“I’ll simply raise premiums ’til nobody can win!”
Because here’s the big secret the Trump never told:
the economy was growing before he took hold.
2.8% was the forecast the day he was sworn,
a smooth, steady market he didn’t have to adorn.
He could’ve done nothing — literally nothing at all —
and Americans would praise him from strip mall to town hall.
For he had a strange magic we’ve all seen before:
He could make millions believe things that weren’t true anymore.
That elections were stolen, that riots weren’t real,
that the FBI staged what the cameras revealed.
But even his nonsense has limits, it seems,
because gaslighting can’t cover empty wallets and dreams.
And so as the holidays neared ever faster,
America braced for a Yuletide disaster.
Sales were up nine percent, but the data was clear:
People bought less stuff than they did last year.
A number that tells you all you need to know:
Prices up. Items down. The economy? Slow.
Yet from Mar-a-Lago came a cackle so sinister,
as Trump schemed to cancel your health insurance for winter.
For what better way to spread “Christmas cheer”
than causing 140% premium hikes this year?
Families opening letters, not presents, in fright —
“$500 to $2,500? This cannot be right!”
But it is. And the options? There’s really just one:
Cancel your plan, hope you don’t come undone.
Trump watched from his palace with sinister delight,
as Americans wondered how they’d make it through the night.
And he whispered, as he shoved coal in stockings nationwide,
“Be grateful! You’re lucky! It could be worse if you tried.”
But America wasn’t fooled – not this holiday season.
Because the bills don’t lie, and the pain has a reason.
You can spin an election, rewrite what went down,
but you can’t gaslight a family that’s drowning in a bill mound.
You can’t wave away premiums that quadruple by tweet,
or blame Santa, the elves, or the Fed for the heat.
In the end, as Americans faced his cruel plot,
they remembered one truth Donald Trump surely forgot:
The Grinch couldn’t stop Christmas, and neither can he.
Because the spirit of giving and democracy free
is stronger than chaos, than cruelty, than fear –
and no man steals Christmas when we make it clear:
We see what he’s doing, we know what’s at stake,
and we’re done letting Trump be the one who dictates.
So let the lights twinkle, let the carolers sing,
and let voters prepare for one hell of a spring.
Because the Trump may steal health care, and money, and peace —
but he’s not going to steal Christmas. Not this year, at least.
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Written by Rachel Bitecofer. You can subscribe to her Substack here.
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